


Punchup

by mistressterably



Series: One offs - TTOI related [7]
Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 08:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4617612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistressterably/pseuds/mistressterably
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Anon tumblr prompt fill: Malcolm loses his cool, punching Julius and Jamie. Angst fic.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Punchup

**Author's Note:**

> Anon tumblr prompt fill: Malcolm loses his cool, punching Julius and Jamie. Angst fic.

‘Julius, you bald fucking bastard!’ Malcolm was bursting into the man’s office, catching him off guard. ‘You have fucking gone over my head the last fucking time! I’ve got enough of a backlog of stinking infested shite laden policies that I’ve been working to get passed through the treasury and you have the fucking tiny balls to go straight over everything else to have that fucking environmental protection load of e.coli loaded bullshit policy enacted by PM privilege!’

Calm and collected, Julius got up from his desk to confront the raging media strategist. ‘Malcolm, really, this is really going over the top. It’s not like the impact to the treasury is going to be large and the long term savings to the nation more than make up the start up costs. You’re making this to be a bigger issue than it really needs to be.’

Malcolm was pacing furiously now, trying to vent his energy somehow. ‘There are steps that you have to fucking follow, you ponce!’

‘An environmental policy that doesn’t fall under a single ministry’s purview is dealt with directly by the PM and doesn’t go through the normal steps for approval. That does mean it bypasses your eyes.’ Julius reminded Malcolm. 

‘Everything fucking goes through my eyes!’ Malcolm barked at him. ‘Everything! This bullshit policy is going to put at least three other common sense policies in jeopardy of being passed by the treasury because you wanted to fucking siphon off 10 million pounds of funds to turning vacant lots owned by the Crown into new green spaces! What the fuck are you thinking of? Do you think there aren’t going to be unemployed fucking citizens who are fucking pissed off at this? You are supposed to be fucking working within the Party guidelines! Instead you’re taking your limp fucking dick out of your pansy pants and spraying your rancid cum over them!’

‘You are starting to cross a lot of lines now,Malcolm.’ Julius warned him. ‘You need to calm down and accept the fact that the PM opted to enact this without that precious little stamp of yours. He is after all the Party leader and the PM.’

‘He may be the fucking Party Leader but it doesn’t mean you can just go up to him and fucking pull his prick to make him do what you want!’ 

‘Right, that’s enough, Malcolm.’ Julius came round the desk and grabbed Malcolm by the elbow. ‘I’ve listened to you long enough. If you have a problem with this you can take it up with the PM.’

Jamie burst in, having heard the unholy row between the two men. ‘Which of you is fucking butt-fucking the other then? Christ alive, hear the two of you fucking jacking off a mile away!’ 

Julius was trying to get control of Malcolm’s arm to get him to leave his office but Malcolm wasn’t having anything of it. ‘Jamie, get this mad Scot out of my office. I’m sick to death of his childishness.’

‘Malcolm, mate, calm the fuck down.’ Jamie came near. 

‘You don’t fucking touch me, you cock-sucking ponce!’ There was no stopping Malcolm. He had already been fired up by Julius’ actions over the policy approval and now with the man he hated to the core of his soul trying to manhandle him he lashed out and, fist clenched, caught the bald man in jaw. Julius stumbled backwards with a cry. A hand raised to his mouth as a spray of blood landed on Jamie’s shirt. 

‘Fucking hell, Malcolm! Get hold of yourself!’ Jamie yelled at his friend. ‘You’re losing it!’ Jamie made to go help Julius when he felt a fist connect with his nose. ‘FUCK!’ He grabbed his nose, feeling the blood pouring from it into his hand. ‘MALCOLM!’

Malcolm stood in shock, his eyes wide. He couldn’t believe what he had just done. ‘Oh my fucking god.’ He rammed his knuckle into his mouth, biting it. ‘Shit shit shit.’

Julius was staggering to his seat and Jamie was leaning forward trying to pinch his bloodied nose to stem the flow. ‘Malcolm, you fucking ass.’ 

‘Idiot.’ Julius added. ‘I should have you charged with assault.’

Malcolm couldn’t decide where to turn. ‘Shit! I’m sorry! Damn! I lost it. Sorry!’ 

‘You’ve cut my lip.’ Julius growled at him. 

‘Fuck! Julius… sorry!’ Malcolm was heading over to Julius, grabbing a handkerchief out of his pocket. ‘Here, let me have a look.’ 

‘You’ve done enough, Malcolm.’ Julius knocked his hand away, rejecting the help. 

‘Sorry!’ Malcolm pressed him to at least take his handkerchief. ‘Sorry!’ He turned to Jamie. His friend had sat down and was still working to stem the flow of blood. ‘Here, Jamie, here.’ He went over and squatted beside his friend to try and help him. ‘Fuck, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Neither of you!’

‘Fuck, Malcolm!’ Jamie was scrambling in his pocket to grab a tissue and finally pressed it against his nose, stuffing it into the nostril to cut the flow down. ‘Get me some more tissues, you pissbag shite!’

Malcolm was on his feet, grabbing a box of tissues off Julius’s desk and brought it to Jamie. ‘What can I get?’

‘You can get the hell out of my office.’ Julius told him. ‘It feels like I’m going to need a stitch or two.’

‘Shit! No! I didn’t hit you that hard!’ 

‘You bloody well did!’ Julius said. ‘Can you go to the wash room and grab a roll of paper towel? Jamie’s going to need something more than flimsy tissues.’

Practically running through the halls, Malcolm got a roll of paper towel and then raced back. Handing it to Jamie, he turned back to Julius. ‘You okay? Can I do anything?’

‘Told you what you can do already. Take Jamie and go. I’m done with you.’

‘I want to help,’ Malcolm was begging Julius. ‘It was an accident. I was just trying to get away from you and hit you by mistake.’

‘That is bullcrap and you know it.’ Julius said. ‘Get out before I change my mind and decide to take this fracas to the PM’s ear.’

‘Oh lord, no!’ Malcolm began to sweet. ‘Shit, that would not be good!’

‘Don’t I know it.’ Julius said. 

‘I’d almost be agreeing with the baldy fuck, Malcolm.’ Jamie groaned as he pressed more towels against his nose.   
Malcolm, at a loss, slumped into an empty chair. ‘I didn’t mean it, honestly! I got carried away.’

‘Malcolm, shut the fuck up.’ Jamie barked. ‘Julius, can we drop this altogether? Malcolm will back off the fucking environmental policy and we’ll just fucking move on?’

‘Can you keep the bloody bastard out of my hair for a few days?’ 

‘I’ll fucking tie his cock to his desk to keep him away from you.’ 

‘Deal.’ Julius waved the two of them out of his office, still gingerly dabbing at his swelling lip.

Malcolm, conciliatory, led Jamie out of Julius’ office towards his own. ‘Jamie, I owe you fucking huge for this.’

‘You owe me your fucking balls, you fat fuck.’

‘Should I take you to A&E?’

‘No, just get me some more towels and some ice.’ Jamie said, calming down. ‘But I’m going to do what I said, keep you out of fucking Julius’ way for some time to come.’


End file.
